Postpartum Depression and Things that Helped

When talking to others about postpartum depression the question always comes down to, "What helped you get through PPD?" "How long did it take you to get better?" 

First, everybody is so different and what works for some will not work for others.

Second, there are different types of postpartum depressions and different severities which may need a different approach.   

I am going to talk about a couple things I did to help me in my darkest times.  I am not saying that these are going to work for you and some of them might sound down right crazy, but when I would struggle these things helped ME cope and feel better. 

One-Long hot showers: I would go into the bathroom and crank the radio and take a nice long hot shower. I would sit in there and sing to the music to take my mind off all of the things going through my head. Sometimes I would come out of the shower and feel like a different woman:)

Two- Exercise:   I didn't exercise often, but when I did, I noticed it helped a lot.  I used to run competitively in college and ran all the time, but for the past two years my exercising has been at a minimum.  When I finally got cleared to exercise after Kenna was born, I didn't want too.  I couldn't drag myself out of the house to go on a run.   When I would run though, it released a lot of stress and anxiety. 

Three- Read a good book:  When Kenna was napping (since I couldn't sleep) I would try to get lost in a good book. A book that I didn't have to think a lot about.  I started to read a lot of new adult contemporary romance novels.  I found some that I really liked.  For example Beautiful Disaster, The Edge of Never, Hopeless, and The Island. All of these books were easy reads for me that I could just sit down and get lost in for a short time.   

Four- Dance party with Kenna: Probably one of the weirdest things I did to take my mind of things would be to dance around the living room with Kenna. I would crank some country music and I would sing to Kenna and dance around the room with her.  Kenna obviously (a tiny baby) couldn't dance, but she stayed in my arms and we would sway around the room and she would be content.   I think the music helped me get my mind off of things. It also helped to get up and move around. I also found that if I sat around too much my mind would wander and I would drive myself crazy. 

Five- Medication: I never wanted to go on anti- depressants. I hate taking medication. I never took ibuprofen, Tylenol, or even Advil, so I didn't like the idea of going on anti-depressants. My doctor highly recommend me going on a low dose of anti-depressants to help with my anxiety and paranoia.  I talked to her about any other options and for my case she said this would be the best place to start.   I was still breastfeeding at the time and was worried about Kenna.  The doctor informed me that the medicine I took would have no effects on Kenna.  In addition, I was worried about side effects.  I ended up not having any side effects from the medicine, which I was very grateful for.  My medication did end up helping a lot.  It was not an instant cure and I needed to change my dosage, but after time it helped me level out my emotions, thoughts, anxiety, and paranoia.   

Six- Prayer:  I would pray all the time. Any time thoughts would come into my mind I would pray that God would take away those thoughts and would fill my mind with thoughts of love.  At times I would feel instant relief, other times I would pray over and over and over again until I felt better or at night until I fell asleep.    

 Something that I didn't try, that I think would of been very helpful was therapy.  My doctor recommended that I attend a support group in Stillwater, MN (where my doctor is located).  I was still on maternity leave, but I never wanted to go to support group. I was worried that if I heard people talk about depression that it would make me think about those thoughts more. I was also worried that I might be the craziest person there. Again, at the time I had no idea people went through this type of depression. 

 

Those are some things that helped me when I was going through some really hard times.  Does anyone else want to share things that helped them when they were struggling? What worked for you when you?  

Thank You and On a Brighter Note

Thank you for the wonderful comments. My goal of my last post was to reach any moms out there who has or is still going through some type of depression. It is a terrible time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  

My light is my daughter.  I feel so blessed to get to see my daughter grow into a little girl.  It is a so much fun to see her learn new things every day and watch her personality show.  She is one funny girl.  Here is a couple pictures of my wonderful girl that make me smile.  

Oh Hey Mom!

She is pretty awesome- I am a tad bias;)

Postpartum depression

Postpartum depression- where to begin.

First, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that God would bring me here with this type of depression. 

I have never been depressed or had any mental health issues in my life.  I believe that I have always been pretty even keel with my emotions. 

From the moment my beautiful baby was born I was tired. So tired. Something that no one could prepare me for.  The day before I went into labor I did not sleep at all.   Then my water broke at 7 a.m. and we were off to the races. I labored throughout the day into the night.  Until the following morning at 2:00a.m. my beautiful baby girl was born.  After pushing on and off for 5 hours I was exhausted. I was spent. I almost was so tired I wasn't excited. I felt almost in shock. I was excited, but couldn't believe we just had a baby.  A baby girl named Kenna Rae. 

From there I did not sleep. I fed Kenna every two hours (she was a little thing, 6lbs 1oz) and they checked my blood pressure every hour throughout the night. The next day I tried to nap, but I couldn't sleep. The next night, I kept Kenna in my room.  I did not sleep, every noise, every move, I checked on her. I was still also feeding her every two hours. Another night of no sleep. 

The next night, I had the nurses take Kenna into the nursery so I could try to sleep before I went home.  She awoke starving, so they brought her in. The sleepless nights continued.
The next day we got to go home.  Before we left the hospital the nurse went through many things that could happen with me or the baby and to call right away if I noticed anything.  Before they left they had mentioned postpartum depression.  Something I didn't even read about in my baby books. I never thought I would get anything like that. I was so excited to have my baby. I was so healthy and in such great shape, there is no way I would get postpartum depression. 

The first weeks were hard. I cried all the time. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep.  I had low blood pressure so I would feel faint and shake.  I would sit and cry in my closet. I would call my nurses and they said it was normal and it was called the baby blues. 

Then the paranoia and anxiety kicked in.  I was paranoid that I would freak out and snap. What if I was one of those crazy moms that snapped because she was soo tired. Then I would cry more for even thinking that because I loved by baby girl more than anything in the world. But these thoughts. These crazy thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.  I had gone weeks with no significant amount of sleep.  What was wrong with me? None of my sisters had PPD, none of my friends had talked about ppd. Was I crazy?   No one ever talked about this. I felt all alone.

I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I would have terrible thoughts about me snapping.  I would sit there and think what if I did this, what if I panicked, what if I freaked out, what if. what if. what if.......

I went through the motions everyday, some days I would be afraid to be home with Kenna by myself, just because I was scared I was going to snap.  I never ignored Kenna and never even set her down because I wanted to be with her all the time. So why would I have crazy thoughts? 

We would go out and people would ask, "How is it going?" "Isn't it wonderful being a mom!"  I would smile and say yes of course, but inside I was thinking. This is terrible. I am crazy. I am not myself. What happened to me? How long will this last? 

Finally, I hit a breaking point and went to my doctor.  I sat in her room with Kenna in my arms and bawled. What was wrong with me. She looked at me and said, "This is normal. This happens to people". WHAT?? Normal. No one ever talks about this.  She insisted I go on depression medicine. I didn't want to, but I was so desperate. My baby blues had turned into full on postpartum depression.  

So I started taking anti-depressants- hoping for an instant cure. It wasn't.  I still had hard times. I remember once taking a long hot shower and getting down on my knees and praying to God to please take it away. I just wanted to be a normal mom.  The doctor upped my medicine and my hormones started to even out.   I started to feel better. I went back to work and things got a lot better.   

I don't remember the specific day when I felt better, but Kenna was over 7 months old before I started to feel like myself again.  I weaned off my anti- depressants and I am now completely off.   From time to time when I get really tired, I feel my mind starting to break on me again and the thoughts creep back, but overall I feel like myself.  Some days I have bad days and ask if I will ever be normal again, but I know in the future I will be. 

So why write about all of this??? Because no one talks about postpartum depression, so I will. IT HAPPENS. IT IS SCARY, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Most people have no idea that I suffered from ppd, or would ever guess that I had postpartum depression.  When I was in my worst times I would look online for people who could give me hope things could and would get better, so here is hope for people out there searching. Kenna is 10 months old and I feel so much better.  My ppd is not completely gone, but I am almost back to who I was before.   Please if anyone ever has any questions. ANYONE- please ask or leave an email address and I would love to answer questions or help in anyway I can.  

Sometimes, I think God makes us go through horrible things so that we can help others in times of need.   

Hello everyone I am back

Hello,
wow it is weird to blog every week for 9 months and then just quit.  Having a new baby is a whirlwind experience.  She is now 10 months old. Holy smokes how the time flies.   Here is a pic of her this month. 

 

She is our little sweetheart. We honestly couldn't have asked for a better baby. We are so blessed.  And yes she is always serious in her pictures. 

 

 

She is a very observant baby. Always studying people and everything that is going on around her. It will be interesting to see what she has to say when she can talk. 

Being a mom is so amazing. Sometimes it is so much more wonderful than I could had ever imagined and then other days it is so much harder than I had ever imagined.  So many wonderful ups and downs.  

 

10 months old

 Kenna has learned so much this month. She can take a few steps, but then chickens out and sits down.  She now screams every time she does not get what she wants.  She does not cry, she just yells at you.  She loves to eat peas and pizza. It is hilarious. She eats them as fast as I put them on her high chair. Did I mention stairs. Oh yah. She is obsessed with stairs. She will climb them over and over and over again.  She will find stairs everywhere we go and climb them. She also likes small spaces. She likes to climb into cupboards, under chairs, and under her changing table at daycare. As for speaking she can't say any words.  Sometimes it sounds like she is saying ma ma ma ma, but I don't think she has any idea what that means.  I can't believe how much babies learn and grow each month. I can't wait to see what the next month has to bring:)  Oh and yes I have already started thinking about her year birthday. How SAD and HAPPY she will be 12 months old. It is still crazy to think I have a one year old daughter. lol. I wonder if it will ever seem normal.